The Wisdom of the Nervous System: Seeing the Adaptive Nature of Dorsal and Sympathetic States
We often talk about the autonomic nervous system as if it betrays us — as if anxiety, shutdown, or reactivity are signs that something has gone wrong. Yet these physiological shifts can also be understood as expressions of the body’s deep intelligence. The nervous system is continually responding to the environment, orienting toward safety, connection, and survival.
When we begin to understand this — particularly through a polyvagal-informed lens — we can start to see both ourselves and our children differently. Instead of judging behaviours as “overreactions” or “withdrawal,” we can view them as the body’s attempt to adapt and respond to what it perceives as needed in that moment.
Understanding the Three States
The autonomic nervous system moves through three primary patterns of response:
Ventral vagal – associated with feelings of safety, social connection, curiosity, and openness
Sympathetic – associated with mobilisation, energy, and readiness for action
Dorsal vagal – associated with stillness, conservation, and rest
Each of these states serves an adaptive function. None are inherently good or bad. What supports wellbeing is flexibility — the ability to move between states as circumstances shift.
The Adaptive Nature of the Sympathetic State
The sympathetic nervous system is often linked with stress or “fight or flight.” Yet in balance, sympathetic activation supports energy, engagement, and movement. It plays a role in learning, exploration, and play.
In children, this may show up as excitement, curiosity, assertiveness, or physical activity. Running, climbing, debating, or pushing for independence can all reflect a nervous system actively engaging with the world and building capacity.
For parents, sympathetic energy supports protection, motivation, and responsiveness. It helps with organising busy days, responding quickly when needed, and advocating for a child’s needs.
When sympathetic activation is ongoing, without opportunities to settle or rest, it may be experienced as irritability, anxiety, or exhaustion. In these moments, it can be helpful to remember that the activation itself is not the problem — it is the body’s way of preparing to meet demands.
The Restorative Qualities of the Dorsal Vagal State
The dorsal vagal system is often described as shutdown or withdrawal. In its extreme forms, it can feel heavy or disconnected. Yet in everyday life, dorsal activation also supports rest, recovery, and conservation of energy.
In children, this can look like quiet play, daydreaming, or curling up with a book. These moments allow the nervous system to pause and integrate after periods of activity or emotional intensity.
For adults, dorsal states can create space for slowing down, reflecting, and listening inwardly. They can support rest and restoration when life has been full or demanding.
When experiences feel overwhelming, dorsal withdrawal may function as a protective response — a way of coping when mobilisation feels too much. Viewing this response with curiosity rather than judgement can open space for gentleness and reconnection.
Co-Regulation: The Nervous System Between Us
Children do not regulate in isolation; they are shaped by the nervous systems around them. Co-regulation refers to the ongoing, relational exchange of cues of safety and connection between people.
When a caregiver’s system is relatively settled, safety is communicated through tone, facial expression, pacing, and presence. Children often respond to these cues by settling themselves. Shared excitement, laughter, or play can involve sympathetic energy that feels creative and connected, while shared stillness — sitting quietly, resting together — can support a sense of safety in slowing down.
Regulation is not about staying calm at all times. It is about moving through activation and rest in relationship, without becoming stuck in any one state.
Practising Awareness
Notice your child’s shifts. Are they moving toward action, or toward rest? How might you meet them where they are, rather than pulling them toward a different state?
Notice your own patterns. What signals that your body is becoming more activated or more withdrawn? What supports you in returning to a sense of steadiness?
When appropriate, name states neutrally. Phrases like “Your body has a lot of energy right now” or “It looks like you need some quiet time” can help normalise nervous system shifts as part of being human.
Closing Reflection
The autonomic nervous system is not something to fix, but something to understand. Each state — ventral, sympathetic, dorsal — reflects an adaptive response shaped by context and experience.
When we approach these states with curiosity and compassion, in ourselves and in our children, we can begin to trust the body’s signals rather than fear them. Regulation is not about remaining in one place, but about moving — between action and rest, connection and solitude — with increasing awareness and care.
