The Wisdom of the Nervous System: Seeing the Adaptive Nature of Dorsal and Sympathetic States
We often talk about the autonomic nervous system as if it betrays us — as though anxiety, shutdown, or reactivity are signs that something has gone wrong. Yet these physiological shifts can also be understood as expressions of the body’s deep intelligence. The nervous system is continually responding to the environment, orienting toward safety, connection, and survival.
When viewed through a polyvagal-informed lens, these responses invite a different way of seeing ourselves and our children. Rather than judging behaviours as “overreactions” or “withdrawal,” we can begin to understand them as the body’s attempt to adapt to what it perceives is needed in that moment.
Understanding the Three Nervous System States in Polyvagal Theory
The autonomic nervous system moves through three primary patterns of response:
Ventral vagal – associated with relative safety, social connection, curiosity, and openness
Sympathetic – associated with mobilisation, energy, and readiness for action
Dorsal vagal – associated with stillness, conservation of energy, and withdrawal
Each of these states serves an adaptive function. None are inherently good or bad. From a polyvagal perspective, wellbeing is supported by flexibility — the capacity to move between states in response to changing conditions, rather than becoming stuck in one.
As Stephen Porges explains:
“The nervous system is not simply reacting to threat; it is constantly evaluating risk and safety in the environment.”
— Stephen W. Porges, The Pocket Guide to the Polyvagal Theory (2017)
The Adaptive Role of the Sympathetic Nervous System
The sympathetic nervous system is often associated with stress or “fight or flight.” Yet in balance, sympathetic activation supports energy, engagement, movement, and initiative. It plays a vital role in learning, exploration, play, and self-assertion.
In children, this may appear as excitement, curiosity, physical activity, strong opinions, or a drive for independence. Running, climbing, debating, and testing limits can all reflect a nervous system actively engaging with the world and building capacity.
For parents and caregivers, sympathetic energy supports protection, motivation, and responsiveness. It allows us to organise busy days, respond quickly when needed, and advocate for a child’s needs.
When sympathetic activation is prolonged without opportunities for settling or rest, it may be experienced as irritability, anxiety, or exhaustion. In these moments, the activation itself is not the problem — it is the nervous system doing its job under sustained demand.
The Restorative and Protective Qualities of the Dorsal Vagal State
The dorsal vagal system is often described only in terms of shutdown or collapse. In its more extreme forms, it can indeed feel heavy, disconnected, or numbing. However, in everyday life, dorsal activation also supports rest, recovery, and conservation of energy.
In children, dorsal states may show up as quiet play, daydreaming, wanting to be alone, or curling up with a book. These moments allow the nervous system to pause and integrate after periods of activity or emotional intensity.
For adults, dorsal activation can support slowing down, reflecting, and turning inward. It can offer necessary restoration when life has been full, demanding, or overwhelming.
When experiences exceed a person’s capacity to mobilise, dorsal withdrawal may function as a protective response. Approaching this state with curiosity rather than judgement can open space for gentleness, safety, and eventual reconnection.
Co-Regulation: How Nervous Systems Shape One Another
Children do not regulate in isolation. Nervous systems develop and respond within relationships. Co-regulation refers to the ongoing exchange of cues of safety, connection, and threat between people.
When a caregiver’s nervous system is relatively settled, safety is communicated through tone of voice, facial expression, pacing, and presence. Children often respond to these cues by settling themselves over time.
Shared excitement, laughter, and play may involve sympathetic energy that feels connected and creative. Shared stillness — sitting quietly, resting together, or being close without demands — can support safety in slowing down.
As polyvagal-informed clinician Deb Dana notes:
“Regulation is not about eliminating states; it’s about building the capacity to move between them.”
— Deb Dana, The Polyvagal Theory in Therapy (2018)
Regulation, then, is not about staying calm at all times. It is about moving through activation and rest in relationship, without becoming stuck in any one state.
Practising Nervous System Awareness with Children
Notice your child’s shifts. Are they moving toward action, or toward rest? How might you meet them where they are, rather than pulling them toward a different state?
Notice your own patterns. What signals tell you that your body is becoming more activated, or more withdrawn? What helps you return to a sense of steadiness?
When appropriate, naming states neutrally can be supportive. Phrases such as “Your body has a lot of energy right now” or “It looks like you might need some quiet time” help normalise nervous system shifts as part of being human.
Reframing Regulation as Trust in the Body
The autonomic nervous system is not something to fix, but something to understand. Ventral, sympathetic, and dorsal states each reflect adaptive responses shaped by context, history, and relationship.
When we approach these states with curiosity and compassion — in ourselves and in our children — we can begin to trust the body’s signals rather than fear them. Regulation is not about remaining in one place, but about moving between action and rest, connection and solitude, with increasing awareness and care.
Related Resources
The resonance of connection: Understanding the Safe and Sound Protocol (SSP)
Why Your Nervous System Needs Safety First (and How SSP Helps)
Important Information
This post offers a reflective, polyvagal-informed perspective on nervous system states and regulation. It is intended for educational and relational reflection only and does not provide clinical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. The concepts discussed here describe general patterns of nervous system functioning and are not a substitute for professional therapeutic or medical support. Each individual’s nervous system is shaped by unique relational, cultural, and lived experiences.
