Unveiling the Magic of Attachment Play: A Guide to Healing Through Playful Connection

Children connect, understand, learn, and grow through play. It’s one of their most natural languages. Attachment Play draws on this innate capacity, using playful connection to support emotional expression, strengthen relationships, and help children make sense of their experiences.

Through play, children communicate feelings that may not yet have words — sometimes through laughter, sometimes through tears, and sometimes through big behaviours. The most important ingredient in this process is not the game itself, but the presence of a safe, attentive adult who stays connected throughout.

Laughter, in particular, can offer a powerful release for feelings such as fear, frustration, anxiety, or powerlessness. When laughter happens in the context of connection, it allows the nervous system to soften and reset.

Nine Forms of Attachment Play

Attachment Play can take many shapes. Below are nine commonly described forms, each supporting different emotional and relational needs. These are not techniques to apply rigidly, but playful invitations to connection.

Power-Reversal Games
These games allow children to release feelings of powerlessness. For example, pretending to be gently “knocked over” while playing or allowing a child to “win” can help restore a sense of autonomy.

Nonsense Games
Silly, mixed-up play supports feelings around competence and control. Putting socks on heads or making playful mistakes can help children release pressure about doing things “right.”

Separation Games
Games like peek-a-boo or hide-and-seek support children to explore separation and reunion in a safe, predictable way.

Contingency Games
Simple cause-and-effect play (such as “when you clap, I jump”) helps children understand how their actions influence the world around them.

Physical Contact Games
Gentle physical play — such as rough-and-tumble within clear boundaries — supports connection, body awareness, and shared joy.

Non-Directed, Child-Led Play
Allowing children to lead play gives them space to express autonomy, creativity, and inner experience without direction or correction.

Regression Play
Sometimes children need to revisit earlier stages of development. Play that allows for nurturance, dependency, or simplicity can support emotional release.

Cooperative Games
Games that involve working together toward a shared goal help build collaboration, trust, and shared rhythm.

Symbolic Play
Using toys or stories to represent real-life experiences — such as playing “dentist” after an appointment — allows children to process experiences indirectly and safely.

Each of these forms can be used flexibly — in everyday moments, during transitions, or after challenges — always guided by the child’s cues.

Attachment Play Supports Adults Too

Playful connection doesn’t just benefit children. Parenting can bring up feelings of frustration, exhaustion, or loss of autonomy for adults as well. Laughter and silliness can help release this tension, restoring a sense of ease and connection.

In moments where things haven’t gone as hoped, playful connection can also support repair. Power-reversal or light-hearted play can help rebuild trust after rupture, allowing both child and adult to reconnect without fear.

Listening to Feelings

Not all play leads to laughter — and that’s important to honour. If a child doesn’t engage playfully, or if tears begin to surface, it may be a sign that something deeper is asking to be felt.

In these moments, the most supportive response is presence. Ensure everyone is safe, then stay close and listen. Tears and laughter serve different purposes; one doesn’t replace the other.

Sometimes, after moments of connection or play, children may cry about something that seems small. This often reflects a sense of safety — the nervous system finally feels supported enough to release what’s been held inside. Much like adults may argue or cry after feeling close and connected, children use these moments to process stored emotion.

A Gentle Closing Reflection

Attachment Play invites us to slow down, be silly, and reconnect — not as a strategy to manage behaviour, but as a way of strengthening relationship. When we bring more play, laughter, and presence into our lives, we create spaces where emotions are welcome and connection can be restored.

Healing doesn’t always look serious. Sometimes, it looks like laughter, play, and shared joy. And sometimes, it looks like tears held safely in relationship. Both belong.