Pause and Reflect: Supporting Children Through Big Feelings

When you notice yourself or your child becoming dysregulated, the first and most supportive step is often to pause — even briefly. Slowing your breath, softening your body, or taking a moment before responding can help settle the nervous system and create space for a more intentional response.

Rather than rushing to fix or correct, it can help to gently reflect on what might be going on beneath the surface. The reflections below are offered as an invitation to slow down and notice, not as a checklist to get “right”.

What stressors are present in the family or environment?

Children are deeply responsive to their surroundings. Behaviour is often shaped not only by what a child is feeling internally, but also by what is happening around them.

Stressors might include unprocessed stress, big emotions in the household, illness, changes in routine, transitions, sensory overload (or under-stimulation), or environments that don’t fully support a child’s unique sensitivities. Naming these factors — even quietly to yourself — can help reframe behaviour as communication, rather than “misbehaviour”.

Have your child’s basic needs been met?

Before looking for strategies or consequences, it can help to check in on the basics: hunger, rest, physical comfort, and emotional needs. A child’s capacity often drops when they are tired, hungry, unwell, or needing reassurance.

Connection itself is a core need. When connection feels thin or disrupted, children may express this through big feelings or challenging behaviour.

Does your child need connection right now?

In moments of distress, children often need to “borrow” an adult’s nervous system. This might look like sitting close, offering a calm presence, making gentle eye contact, or simply being there without fixing or correcting.

Feeling seen, heard, and emotionally held can help restore a sense of safety over time.

Do they need more information?

Sometimes children struggle because something feels confusing or unpredictable. Offering clear, developmentally appropriate information — about what is happening now or what will happen next — can reduce anxiety.

This might be as simple as explaining a transition, naming a plan, or calmly clarifying expectations.

Is it time to listen to feelings?

Some moments call for listening rather than doing. Letting your child know, “I’m here. I’m listening,” can create space for feelings to be expressed rather than acted out.

You don’t need to solve, fix, or change the feeling. Presence and curiosity are often enough.

Is it time for a loving limit?

Children still need boundaries, especially when emotions are big. A loving limit means saying “no” to a behaviour while saying “yes” to the feeling underneath it.

For example: “I won’t let you hit, but I can see how angry you feel.” Limits offered with calm, connection, and empathy help children feel safe — even when they’re unhappy about the boundary.

A gentle reminder

None of this needs to happen perfectly. Parenting is relational, not procedural, and repair matters far more than getting it “right” in the moment.

These reflections are simply an invitation to slow down and respond with kindness — to your child and to yourself.

When it’s more than just big feelings

All children experience big emotions, meltdowns, and periods of dysregulation — especially during times of growth, stress, or change. Sometimes, though, extra support can be helpful.

You might consider seeking professional support if you notice:

• distress, anxiety, or shutdown that feels intense, persistent, or escalating over time

• big feelings that are regularly interfering with sleep, learning, relationships, or daily functioning

• frequent emotional overwhelm that feels difficult to repair or settle, even with support

• changes in behaviour following illness, injury, trauma, or significant life transitions

• a sense that your child is struggling, and you’re feeling unsure how to support them on your own

Reaching out for support isn’t a sign that something is “wrong” — it’s often a sign of care, attunement, and responsiveness to your child’s needs.

Acknowledgement: This work is influenced by Aware Parenting, a relational approach that centres emotional safety, connection, and respectful listening.